Stage 20 – The law of attraction

Welcome to My dating year!

Have you read or heard of the book called: The Secret? If you have and don’t buy its message please don’t stop reading this post because of that. I truly believe the book’s core message has played a key role in my dating challenge, but before I explain its relevance to My dating year, I have provided a short synopsis of the book below for those of you who haven’t heard of it.

Synopsis of The Secret

The Secret is about the law of attraction. The author uses a lot of quotes from the bible, other religious and non religious books to emphasise the belief that most of the things we experience are due to what we called into our lives. In other words the life you live now is based on your past thoughts. The following quote sums up the book:

‘I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavour.’ Henry David Thoreeau.

If you think positively, hope for the best and visualise the outcome you are after regularly, and consciously stay on this wave length of thinking you will see opportunities that will bring what you’ve been visualising to reality. If on the other hand you moan, get depressed and constantly think about how your life isn’t going as you’ve planned it to be, it will continue to go off course.

The law of attraction is most noticeable in the lives of those who have gone through deep adversities. Those who are cheerful and eager to help when their lives on the outside looks as though it’s falling apart and only a miracle can bring it back together. According to the book anyone is able to come out of a really bad situation by staying positive, consciously uplifting their spirit when they feel it’s getting down and constantly visualising the outcome they are after.

The law of attraction - its impact on My dating year

I am a believer of the law of attraction, even though I have difficulty practising it. I also believe that the concept can be very misleading. From the beginning of My dating year I have attracted a lot of things consciously and unconsciously. I strongly believed two things; I would complete the challenge and the chances of me getting into a serious relationship this year is minute. There have been times when I’ve thought and hoped otherwise but for the most part I’ve thought and believed these two things.

In regards to getting dates I thought it would be hard at times and it was, but deep down I believed I could get a lot of guys to go on dates with me. This is not because I’m arrogant or narcissistic. I was just more focused on how I was going to make it happen rather than why it wouldn’t happen. It meant I had to put myself out there and in doing so I drew myself closer to the guys I’ve blogged about. Another thing I knew was in order for me to go on as many dates as I wanted to I had to consider the type of guys I wouldn’t normally, in the process of doing so I have attracted the reality of being single for the majority of 2012 and most likely the whole year.

As I mentioned in my last post I even attracted the type of guy I was after according to my list, through continuous mentions and visualisation of the items on my list. About three weeks ago I went to a friend’s wedding. I was told it was invite only so I wasn’t able to bring a plus one with me. I was really looking forward to the wedding and in my heart I knew I would meet someone and I did. Unlike the guy I talked about in my last post I was attracted to this guy. He didn’t tick vital items on my list but because I was attracted to him physically I didn’t care. I spent some time with this guy and threw a lot of the things that usually matter to me out of the window. My senses returned when the song he was singing in the first week started to change and I realised it was not the beat that I really wanted to dance to so I called it off and learnt a big lesson in the process.

I learnt that not everything that you consider to be good for you when you wished it turns out that way. I’ve always thought weddings are a good place to meet guys and as the guy I met had a suit on, I was even more attracted to him (it’s a wedding that’s what guys wear at such events derrr). I would have preferred not to have met this guy knowing what I know now but I don’t regret getting to know him because I’ve learnt about myself and how quickly I can lose sight of my goal over wishful thinking. This guy clearly wasn’t for me and there were plenty of signs telling me this. A friend of mine who doesn’t usually impose her views on me even sent me a message ordering me not to get involved with this guy because he is so far from what I want. Although I told my friend  I was in control of the situation I was really focusing and hoping his tomorrow would be more in line with what I need from the guy I settle down with.

 I found what I wanted in the guy I blogged about last but I wasn’t physically attracted to him or felt at ease with him, so I decided not to follow my list so rigidly. I then found a guy I was attracted to and deep down hoped he’ll possess the things on my list gradually but his agenda wasn’t in sync with mine, so he had to go. For the first time during this process I am very upset with myself for the silly decisions I made about the guy from the wedding and I’m still trying to shake off the disappointment in myself.

I realised that although the package looks like what I ordered, it doesn’t mean it’s going to operate the way I want it to. This is why I think the law of attraction can be misleading but I wouldn’t say it is flawed. In gaining what we want to attract, we sometimes learn that we don’t always wish for the correct things. Instead of me looking for a partner who has this and that, my focus should really be on how he makes me feel. The Secret does mention that rather than wishing for the things that we think would bring happiness we should instead wish to be happy as those things may bring sadness instead.

There is a Chinese proverb that goes like this: ‘May you get what you wish for’. There are different ways of reading into this proverb but my interpretation is that some of the things that we wish for are not good for us. For a person to curse you by saying ‘may you get what you wish for’, it means they know you are not wise and almost incapable of knowing what’s really good for you. They don’t need to mention the bad things they wish you to experience as they trust you’ll do it all by yourself.

Thanks for reading My dating year – stage 20.