Stage 18 – I’m just not that into him

Over the last month I’ve been on dates with 2 very different guys. I went on 2 dates with guy A, who I didn’t really want to go on a date with because I wasn’t really into him but I thought I’d go anyway because he was quite persistent. I had a good time on the date but as I weren’t into him I didn’t try to initiate a second date. He on the other hand did, and again was very persistent, so I met up with him again. This time round I told him that I had been on a lot of dates this year and he wanted to know how he was measuring up with the other guys because he thinks he and I will be great together. I told him the furthest I had gone with any of the guys is a second date and he said: ‘that means I have a good chance’ and I replied with: ‘not necessarily’ and I didn’t give an explanation for saying so, even though he asked for one. As most people do when they are not into a guy/girl I ceased from contacting him after the date, and I also changed my phone days after from Blackberry to an iPhone 4, so a lot of people weren’t able to get through to me on blackberry messenger.

Whilst I was writing my last post he called and I answered cheerfully but he wasn’t as friendly to me. He basically told me off for not behaving the way he wants me to and then tried to get me to reassure him that he and I could have a future together and I refused. I was silent instead and when he realised he wasn’t going to get the response he wanted he hung up. Aside from not being attracted to this guy, his behaviour made me feel even more justified for not contacting him and I hoped that would be the last I heard from him because I didn’t understand why he was pressuring me to behave a certain way and to form a relationship with him when I had only known him for a couple of weeks.

Days after my last encounter with guy A, I sent a message to pretty much everyone who was on my blackberry messenger, who also had WhatsApp, informing them that my blackberry messenger was temporarily out of use but they could get through to me on WhatsApp. He was one of the people who I sent the message to. I did so out of politeness because I really didn’t want him to know that he could get through to me on WhatsApp. Days later he sent me several rude messages on WhatsApp and in one of them he mentioned how laughable it is that I go on dates for free meals. I asked him to send me his bank details so I could pay my half of the meal. He replied with: ‘I don’t want money off you’ and then tried to be nice and insisted that I do one nice thing for him. I refused because I didn’t understand what he was playing at and I thought doing a nice thing for him because he asked me to was only going to defeat the purpose of being nice. Also because of the way he had behaved to date I didn’t want him to think that I had given him the green light for us to start a relationship together by doing that one nice thing.  The WhatsApp conversation continued on until he got the affirmation he needed to think things were back on track and all he had to do was be nice to me and pretend to care about me and he’ll have me right where he wanted me to be.

Before he first called to tell me off, he had called a few times and each time I told him I was busy preparing for a church event and told him when the event will take place. After our last encounter on WhatsApp he messaged me to ask how the church event went and mentioned that he hopes I get a lot of praise for it. That in itself irritated me because everything I do at church is not for what others will say or think of me. I do it because I can and as part of the church community I feel the need to contribute. Irritation aside, I told him that the event hadn’t happened and it will take place the following week. Less than a week later and before the Sunday of the event he sent me another message asking how the event went. I didn’t respond because  I knew he didn’t genuinely care and as the event hadn’t happened it was clear that he didn’t really take in what I had told him and was just pretending to have an interest in what I do. The next day he messaged again stating he can delete my number if I don’t wish to hear from him again. I didn’t respond and thought he would take that as confirmation to delete my number. Unfortunately for me he didn’t and he sent me another insulting message almost a week later.

I personally don’t want to delete his number because if he tries to call me with his number I want to know it’s him calling so I won’t answer. I just hope he gets over the hurt that he is feeling and leaves me alone because he is actually really scaring me and I don’t believe I’ve done anything wrong to make him behave in such an abusive way. It is perfectly normal to go on dates with people and then decide you don’t want to see them anymore. Some of my dates haven’t been interested in me after our date but I got the picture and I moved on. Sending rude messages is just childish and it says the person sending the message does not know how to handle his/her emotions.

I’m going to share my very different experience with guy B in my next post, which is due in 2 weeks. As much as I tried to keep my encounter with guy A brief it has taken too many words and I don’t want those of you who don’t like reading long blogs to be turned off, so please check out my next post to read about my experience with guy B.

Thanks for reading My dating year – Stage 18