Stage 19 – He ticks everything on my list so why aren’t I into him?

Those of you who follow my blogs or have read blog 16 will know that there are certain features and characteristics that I want in the guy I settle down with.  Throughout my dating process I have kept my list in mind, even though I have learnt a number of things along the way which I believe are much more important than my list.

To reiterate if you haven’t read blog 16, the things I had on my list are: kind, mature, clean, respectful, DIY, very ambitious, tall, between 27-35 years old, well paid and a God fearing man. Right until recently I hadn’t found anyone who ticked everything on the list, not until I met guy B a few weeks ago.

When guy B first approached me I actually thought this is the kind of guy I’m looking for based on his physical appearance. He had a suit on. He was tall and approached me in a respectful way.  He also came across quite down to earth and humble. We arranged a date not long after and went for a meal and saw a play at the West End.

When we sat down for the meal he changed. He became very serious and the playful side that I saw in him when I first met him disappeared. I even mentioned to him that I feel like you’ve turned into a different person all of a sudden and he said it was because he wanted me to see a serious but not office like side to him. I didn’t like that because that’s not who I met.  Throughout the date he did and said all the right things but the more he tried to impress the more turned off I became.

I went to a wedding with him the following day and that went well and I actually liked him more on that day. He helped out throughout the wedding because he was part of the organising team. I didn’t mind that I was on my own most of the time because  he tried when he could to spend some time with me and showed me that he very much wanted to be with me but duty called.

The following day I saw him again and I was back to feeling turned off. I really didn’t understand why, especially as he ticked everything on my list and was doing all he could to show me that he really cared about me. I decided to see him the following day for the fourth consecutive day in hope that I will feel something for him, but like the day before I didn’t and I started avoiding him after that. Whilst I was avoiding him, he was still being a kind gentleman by giving me the space that I had asked for but also tried to involve me in his life by telling me that he is in the process of buying tickets for us to see a comedy show together. As sweet as that may sound, I think it is slightly controlling because he didn’t ask me if I wanted to go to the show or if I was even available. He just dropped it into a conversation that he was buying tickets for us to go to a comedy show. I had to ask who the us was and declined when he said it was me and him.

I have questioned myself over and over again, why am I not into this guy when he has everything on my list and almost desperately wants to be with me. The best answer that I can give myself is that my spirit doesn’t feel happy about him. I don’t understand how you can fall so deeply for someone in such a short time and suffocate the person by making them feel as though they are in a relationship with you within a few days of meeting. What happened to the time spent getting to know each other before deciding to officially be together and no longer date others.

I also felt as though guy B and I spoke different languages because we didn’t understand each other’s sense of humour nor did we really know what motivated each other. In fact there were a lot of things that I just felt could not be ignored before deciding to be with someone that he was whole heartedly ready to ignore because he thought we would be perfect for each other.

I don’t know if it’s because we are 6 years apart in age and I’m just not as mature as him yet to see things as quickly as he did, but what I do know from this experience is that as much as it’s important to have a list my spirit must feel at ease when I’m with the guy I choose to settle down with. I really did try to like guy B for the sake of my list but as I created my list and not the other way round I refuse to let my list have full control of my love life.

Thanks for reading My dating year – stage 19.

Stage 18 – I’m just not that into him

Over the last month I’ve been on dates with 2 very different guys. I went on 2 dates with guy A, who I didn’t really want to go on a date with because I wasn’t really into him but I thought I’d go anyway because he was quite persistent. I had a good time on the date but as I weren’t into him I didn’t try to initiate a second date. He on the other hand did, and again was very persistent, so I met up with him again. This time round I told him that I had been on a lot of dates this year and he wanted to know how he was measuring up with the other guys because he thinks he and I will be great together. I told him the furthest I had gone with any of the guys is a second date and he said: ‘that means I have a good chance’ and I replied with: ‘not necessarily’ and I didn’t give an explanation for saying so, even though he asked for one. As most people do when they are not into a guy/girl I ceased from contacting him after the date, and I also changed my phone days after from Blackberry to an iPhone 4, so a lot of people weren’t able to get through to me on blackberry messenger.

Whilst I was writing my last post he called and I answered cheerfully but he wasn’t as friendly to me. He basically told me off for not behaving the way he wants me to and then tried to get me to reassure him that he and I could have a future together and I refused. I was silent instead and when he realised he wasn’t going to get the response he wanted he hung up. Aside from not being attracted to this guy, his behaviour made me feel even more justified for not contacting him and I hoped that would be the last I heard from him because I didn’t understand why he was pressuring me to behave a certain way and to form a relationship with him when I had only known him for a couple of weeks.

Days after my last encounter with guy A, I sent a message to pretty much everyone who was on my blackberry messenger, who also had WhatsApp, informing them that my blackberry messenger was temporarily out of use but they could get through to me on WhatsApp. He was one of the people who I sent the message to. I did so out of politeness because I really didn’t want him to know that he could get through to me on WhatsApp. Days later he sent me several rude messages on WhatsApp and in one of them he mentioned how laughable it is that I go on dates for free meals. I asked him to send me his bank details so I could pay my half of the meal. He replied with: ‘I don’t want money off you’ and then tried to be nice and insisted that I do one nice thing for him. I refused because I didn’t understand what he was playing at and I thought doing a nice thing for him because he asked me to was only going to defeat the purpose of being nice. Also because of the way he had behaved to date I didn’t want him to think that I had given him the green light for us to start a relationship together by doing that one nice thing.  The WhatsApp conversation continued on until he got the affirmation he needed to think things were back on track and all he had to do was be nice to me and pretend to care about me and he’ll have me right where he wanted me to be.

Before he first called to tell me off, he had called a few times and each time I told him I was busy preparing for a church event and told him when the event will take place. After our last encounter on WhatsApp he messaged me to ask how the church event went and mentioned that he hopes I get a lot of praise for it. That in itself irritated me because everything I do at church is not for what others will say or think of me. I do it because I can and as part of the church community I feel the need to contribute. Irritation aside, I told him that the event hadn’t happened and it will take place the following week. Less than a week later and before the Sunday of the event he sent me another message asking how the event went. I didn’t respond because  I knew he didn’t genuinely care and as the event hadn’t happened it was clear that he didn’t really take in what I had told him and was just pretending to have an interest in what I do. The next day he messaged again stating he can delete my number if I don’t wish to hear from him again. I didn’t respond and thought he would take that as confirmation to delete my number. Unfortunately for me he didn’t and he sent me another insulting message almost a week later.

I personally don’t want to delete his number because if he tries to call me with his number I want to know it’s him calling so I won’t answer. I just hope he gets over the hurt that he is feeling and leaves me alone because he is actually really scaring me and I don’t believe I’ve done anything wrong to make him behave in such an abusive way. It is perfectly normal to go on dates with people and then decide you don’t want to see them anymore. Some of my dates haven’t been interested in me after our date but I got the picture and I moved on. Sending rude messages is just childish and it says the person sending the message does not know how to handle his/her emotions.

I’m going to share my very different experience with guy B in my next post, which is due in 2 weeks. As much as I tried to keep my encounter with guy A brief it has taken too many words and I don’t want those of you who don’t like reading long blogs to be turned off, so please check out my next post to read about my experience with guy B.

Thanks for reading My dating year – Stage 18

Stage 17 - Love & Lust

Love & Lust

Before I begin my entry this week, I want to look at the definition of the following words: lust & love.

Lust

Oxford dictionary: ‘strong sexual desire’.

Urban dictionary: ‘often confused with love, it is purely physical attraction and has no lasting effect.’

Love

Oxford dictionary: ‘a strong feeling of affection’.

Urban dictionary: ‘the most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone.’

We are now 33 weeks into this year and I’m now starting to see certain things about dating and relationships. I’ve always believed that the best way to start a relationship is to have strong feelings for the person you are entering the relationship with and there should be butterflies in your stomach and you should always be filled with glee when you think about the other person. I was quite young when this idea entered my head. From what I remember I got it mainly from the media. Films, music videos, books, adverts and I always assumed that most relationships started this way. To be honest I didn’t think much about what it took to keep the romance going in a relationship and I didn’t realise until the past few years that romance and love are choices that people who experience it make. They are not God given rights. It doesn’t just happen automatically like lust. It takes time and conscious effort.

In the past few months I’ve listened to several videos and read a number of books and blogs, which I believe have really opened my eyes and heart to what love is. The verb ‘give’ in essence is the main signifier of love. When I first heard someone talking about how love is not about what you get from the other person, and those in relationships for what it offers them are simply in a contract and they’ve agreed with their spouse to do something in return for something else and are simply fulfilling the terms of the contract and not in love; I realised for the first time that my internal definition of love has been wrong all these years. Love is not selfish or self gratifying. I literally had a light bulb moment. It’s not that I haven’t come across this new definition of love (new to my spirit) before because I have. I listened to Destiny Child’s song, outro (thank you), where Michelle explains the characteristics of love. At the time, I didn’t see love as something I had control over. I thought it just happened naturally. I didn’t realise that I have to actively show love. I thought whoever I end up with will just love me for me without me making much effort.  

I think I’ve subconsciously subscribed to the love at first sight theory without realising it, because whenever I go on a date with a guy I never focus on what I should really be looking for in a potential life partner. I always hope to meet the guy and really like him to the point that I’d want to think about him all the time. Not until after watching the vlog: Dating and courtship - do you understand the real purpose of dating? did I realise what I should have been asking myself whilst dating.  This whole time I’ve been focused on my list which was more concerned with my wants. Not once did I ask myself whether I have or could develop genuine admiration and respect for any of these guys. Even the ones I liked, looking back now I can’t say I admired them. I was just on an emotional high (lust) and once the high cleared off I didn’t really have the respect that I have for some of my male friends for these guys. If things had gone my way whilst I was on an emotional high I would have probably found myself in a relationship and months later realised that I don’t even like the guy because I don’t admire who he is and how he chooses to live his life. Not to talk of wanting to love him. 

As much as that vlog has revolutionised my thinking of what to look for in a potential partner I can’t say that I will be giving up my list just yet. I now subscribe to the definition of love being about giving and it’s a choice that people make. But before I can give my all to a guy and choose to love him whole heartedly and unconditionally, I still need him to meet a certain standard. I’m not saying that if over time he loses some of the attributes on my list I will stop loving him, I’m just saying to begin with I need him to have certain qualities that I believe will make me respect him before developing long lasting respect and admiration for him. This is not to say that I don’t respect guys who don’t meet my criteria. I will have the type of life that I want by meeting a guy who meets my criteria and when we make a choice in life we take a number things into consideration and don’t blindly decide to do things and then deal with the consequences. My criteria is one of the things I will consider before choosing to love a guy. I may compromise on some things but not on some. For example I want a guy who is ambitious. Not completely for my sake but for his too. When you are ambitious you see possibilities and you ooze positivity, more so than those who lack ambition and people who have a positive approach to life tend to have happier lives. 

I realise that this love that I’m talking about is not going to be a walk in the park to fulfil but if I diligently focus on finding a guy who meets my criteria and is highly respectable and admirable in my eyes I’m sure I could develop love for him over time, even if I don’t have the intense rush of emotions at the start. The definitions of love above don’t mention attraction as a component to love. They mentioned affection and euphoric feeling but neither of these words translates to attraction.

Readers do you agree with my new understanding of love or do you think this way of thinking is unrealistic and if attraction is not there from the start it may never come? Should love be about attraction?

Thanks for reading My dating year – Stage 17.

Stage 16

Rational or irrational?

I would like to start this entry by saying: it feels so nice not to have to go on so many dates anymore!!!!!!   Going on dates is also more enjoyable now. I went on a date over a week ago with a guy I met whilst walking home from a friend’s graduation party. We didn’t really do anything exciting but it was a nice date. We just grabbed a bite from a kebab shop, went to a very nice bar after and then he let me drive his Mercedes.  We also conveniently went to Asda, where I bought packs of bottled water before he dropped me home. Even though my past dates haven’t been terrifying I felt very relaxed on this date. Everything seemed to have happened naturally. I didn’t have to initiate the date as I did in the past or purposely influence him to ask me on a date by showing a little more interest than I actually had in him; nor did I say or do the things I knew he liked more for a desired effect.

I can’t say I was mesmerized by him when he stopped me. I even gave him the name I give to guys that I have no interest in when he asked for my name. I was ready to give him the second line: ‘I have a boyfriend’ too but decided against doing so after hearing him speak. He spoke and came across quite well. Since our date we’ve stayed in touch and he is making the effort to gain something out of meeting me. I’m just not sure what and I don’t see us going any further than just being friends.  This is where I pause to ask myself why? In my phone I have a picture of written words, stating: ‘I’M SINGLE UNTIL I FIND MY KIND, MATURE, CLEAN, RESPECTFUL, DIY, VERY AMBITIOUS, TALL, BETWEEN 27-35YR OLD, WELL PAID, GOD FEARING MAN’. From what I know about this guy I don’t think he is far from this description but yet I’m not convinced I can have a relationship with him.

Relationship Matchmaker, Paul Carrick Brunson would probably describe my idea of my perfect guy, based on what I’ve highlighted in the picture as somewhere between the shopping and investment mentality. He describes the shopping mentality as a focus on characteristics and the utility benefits of having a partner in one’s life. For example I want the guy who I plan to get with to be able to fix things around my house. The investment mentality on the other hand is to look at a potential partner’s values, their vision and to consider if they are in line with one’s own values and vision; does the person bring out the best in you and do they speak the same love language as you?  I believe my list is very much value focused, so much so that when I received: ‘I was gonna come pass yours and chill for a bit but if you are too busy another time’ from this new guy, I lowered my eyebrows because I don’t think it’s respectful to suggest coming to my home when we’ve only met up once.

Since I started this challenge in January I didn’t until now think properly about the next stage after dating. It’s almost as if I’ve been in this bubble, where I expect guys to treat me as a princess by taking me out to nice places and looking their best and saying all the right things and never ever looking at me as a piece of meat. I hate when guys look at me like that. Looking back on all my dates, I’ve not once thought of inviting a guy back home with me and whenever guys have asked or merely insinuated that they want to come to my house I’ve either been real irritated and figured out a way to get out of letting the guy into my home or I’ve been really defensive. I even had a full on argument with one guy on WhatsApp over this. I didn’t realise then that it isn’t irrational for a guy to expect to come to my house when he knows I have my own place. I just thought the guy I argued with was a dirty prick and I didn’t understand why he would think it’s ok to suggest coming back to my house after a date.

Now that this new guy has sent me that message, I find myself looking for a way to avoid ever inviting him to my house. On my way back from work sometime this week it dawned on me that there might be something wrong with me. I automatically assume that guys want sex when they ask if they can come to my house. Even though I may be wrong in thinking so, there are so many reasons why I may also be right. According to Steve Harvey, author of Act like a lady, think like a man, men are always calculating whether they can afford a lady, even before they step to her. They go as far as assessing the cost of transportation and every other cost they may incur in order to have sex with her. If they feel the cost of attaining sex from one particular lady is too much, they won’t bother. They’ll find another lady who they can sleep with more easily without having to dig into their savings.  As I have my own place, I can’t help but think some guys will try to exploit me for this reason. It’s cheaper for them to come to my house and chill than take me out as frequently as I would like to go out. I’m especially irritated when they ask right from the get go if I live with my parents or alone.  

When the guys I’ve been on dates with this year have asked to come to my house I’ve nearly always demonised them in my head.  I’ve been single for a while now and the last time I was in a relationship I was 20 years old. I thought differently to how I think now. I’ve experienced things and seen things which have made me less naive in some regards.  I feel like I now have a much better understanding of what it means to be in a relationship and I feel like when I get into one I’m going to give a lot more than I did in the past. So the idea of bringing a guy who I don’t see a future with into my house scares me and almost makes me short of breath. I almost feel like I’m putting my life on the line if I invite such a guy into my home.

Time will tell if I will react the same way when a guy who I’m very interested in asks the dreaded question.

Thanks for visiting My dating year – stage 16.

As always please leave comments and questions below and I’ll endeavour to reply as soon as possible.

Change of direction!

My dating year

Change of direction!

If you read my last blog you may be curious to find out what the new era that I mentioned is all about. If you didn’t keep reading you may take away something that you didn’t expect to find and besides you are already on my page so you might as well continue reading.

The big reason for the change as I mentioned is that I’m tired of just dating to blog and I want to meet someone. I want a relationship. I want to build a future with someone. I want to be someone’s reason for getting up when most things seem bleak. I want someone who will make me want to rush home after work to cook him something nice and present the food in the most immaculate way I can think of. He probably won’t care how presentable the food looks but I want to go out of my way because the guy motivates me to be my best and in being my best I have to give him the best I can.

I certainly hope that some of my readers got something out of my blogs and what I now call the old era; whether it’s educational or entertaining. It definitely made my day to hear 2 separate guys who don’t know each other say they are learning from my blogs. I can tick one of my core reasons for starting My dating year. Thanks guys for voicing the appreciation. You know who you are.

Aside from wanting to meet someone, I got to a point of frustration with this challenge and blogging. I didn’t feel I was really giving my readers as much as I promised I was going to give in terms of opening up about how I feel about each situation. There’s only so much you can learn about a person from a first date. As that’s all I was going on and the occasional second dates I didn’t really feel I was experiencing enough to help others who aren’t as experienced when it comes to dating. I was finding out important things about most of the guys after the dates but I didn’t report these details because I didn’t initially want to focus on the aftermaths of my dates. I don’t think it’s right that I have kept you readers out of the loop as some of you might have gained more from the after events than the actual dates. The format of my blog didn’t allow me to provide continuous updates, sorry.

I felt like my blog was losing purpose. I had gone on enough first dates for anyone who is completely new to dating to learn from, especially guys. I communicated my frustration to a few friends and stumbled upon a very useful blog site called: Hooking Up Smart  out of boredom and decided to change the direction of my challenge after being inspired by some of the blogs I read on the site. I am redefining what My dating year means and making it more purposeful and even if you, readers of my blog site, don’t gain from the change I will at least walk away with a degree in “datingology”. It may not be a certified degree but I will certainly have the knowledge to hold on to.

In this process of change I have started evaluating myself and thankfully I have some people around me who aren’t afraid to tell me the truth about some of my not so attractive qualities, which can turn some guys off. I will use the next couple of blogs to explore some of these qualities that I’m working on changing and I will also examine some of the characteristics that men don’t like about women and vice versa. I have bought some books and already done one poll and watched some videos on dating and relationships in order to learn more and bag myself the kind of man who is really for me, based on who I am and what I want out of life.

From now on I will blog about the process of finding someone special. I will still go on dates and talk about the dates but not so much in isolation. I will compare some of the guys and only go on dates with guys that I can see myself with and not just say yes or initiate dates with guys who I have no interest in as I did in the previous era. There may be weeks where I won’t go on dates but I will still put myself out there and write about how the search is coming along and the new theories and ideas that I have decided to subscribe to and how I’m finding them. If I’m lucky enough to find a guy who I’m really interested in and vice versa and decide to see him only I will continue to blog about the relationship until the end of 2012. Realistically speaking I don’t think I’ll be finding a guy to settle down with any time soon because I don’t think I have fully transitioned from the shopping to the investment mentality when it comes to dating as Paul Carrick Brunson, a relationship matchmaker puts it. I will exemplify this theory in my next entry.

The plan is to keep the same format as the last era, so I will continue to post new entries every two weeks but my next entry will be next week as it’s the second week after date 15. Instead of titling the blogs as “date...” they will now begin as “stage...(following from the last number I had” so the next entry will be titled: “stage 16” as I believe I’m on a journey. My idea of dating is about to change.  

I carried out a poll called: ‘How I met my partner’; which 57 people filled in, 57.4% of whom were in a relationship and the other 42.6% were single. I found out that when it comes to meeting someone to have a committed relationship with most people in a relationship tend to meet their partners at family/friends parties/gathering. Even the single people who actively go out to find a partner voted family/friends parties/gathering joint first with church as the place where they go to to find a potential partner. Interestingly online dating site and school/college/university were voted joint second place as the location where those in relationships found their partners and professional events was voted second by the singletons.

I did this survey so I can increase my chances of finding a partner by simply going to the same places where those in relationships said they attended to find their partners. As they say, there’s no point in reinventing the wheel. I may not meet the guy I’ll settle down with in the top voted places but I am willing to give it a try by attending more family and friends events. I’m not happy that online dating was voted quite highly because I’ve already done that and got the t-shirt and it’s not my preferred method but I’ll give it another try. I gained some insightful information which I will refer to over the course of this journey.

I want to apologise for not going on a second date with Curtis before changing direction. I have not ruled out a second date with him but because it’s been so long since our last date I don’t think either of us feel anything for each other so if I go on a second date with him it will be more to honour the vote that some of you made.

I hope you all follow me in this new journey and I hope it’s more useful than the previous era. Please leave me a comment below to let me know of your thoughts on my change of direction.

Thanks for reading My dating year – Change of direction!

Date 15 – Isaiah

Welcome to date 15 of 26

Guy Profile

Name: Isaiah
Age: 23
Height: 6.0
Occupation: Regional Trainer

How I met Isaiah

I met Isaiah through the same friend who introduced me to X (new readers please refer to date 4 to read about my encounter with X). When my friend first told me that he had another friend who was interested in going on a date with me, I think I said: ‘I’m not really interested in your loserish friends, kmt’.

His response: ‘this friend is of a different level to you’.

My response: ‘what do you mean, a higher level or a lower level?’

His response: ‘A higher level of course.’

I was so offended. If I was a cartoon character you would see steams coming out of my ears. I tried to let the comment slide and not be affected by it and luckily for him the comment didn’t affect our friendship.

Weeks later I was in need of a date and I spoke to this same friend about my need. Whilst speaking, he called the friend of his that he claims to be on a different level to me but unluckily for me he was out of town. At this point I wasn’t really fazed by my friend’s comment, I just needed a date and I was more than happy to go on a date with the friend had he not been out of town. A week or more later I met Isaiah and my friend asked me what I thought of him. I responded with: ‘he’s alright’. What I really meant was: ‘I think I like what I see and yeah I would like to go on a date with him’. I didn’t want my friend to know that I felt that way because how dare he tell me that his friend is of a higher level than me, smh (shaking my head - to those of you who aren’t familiar with the abbreviation), kmt.

Another couple of weeks went by and I saw Isaiah again. This time I didn’t really pay much attention to him and I felt myself coming across as unfriendly because of that. For some reason the picture of me being unfriendly kept playing over in my head, so I asked my friend to apologise to him on my behalf for not being friendly. The feedback was: he wasn’t offended and he said it’s cool. The following day my friend sent me Isaiah’s number so I could arrange a date with him. I whatsApped him that very day but we didn’t arrange the date until about a week later.

The date

At 21:00 on a Saturday Isaiah whatsApped me to let me know that he was outside my house. I was impressed because I told him to pick me up at 21:00 and not to be late. I on the other hand wasn’t ready so I asked him to give me 10 minutes. About 15 minutes later we got in his car and he drove to the West End so we could find a restaurant to eat in. I insisted that we should go to Vapiano because the food is nice there. I wasn’t quite sure how to get there because I had only been there once before and my sense of direction is not usually very good. Although he was hesitant about us going to a place that neither of us knew how to get to I was able to convince him to trust my instinct and we got there without taking a wrong turn. Tap on my shoulder!

I recommended Carbonara to Isaiah and was going to get the same thing as I had that the last time I was at Vapiano but he said I shouldn’t, I should try something else so I got Scampi instead. Whilst eating and laughing etc I found myself mimicking his body language. I immediately tried to get myself out of the trance I was in because I personally think that is just too much of an indication that I like him. Don’t get me wrong – I want him to know that I like him but mimicking him shows that I really really like him. I don’t think he caught on though. At least I hope he didn’t.

After our meal we went to Tower Bridge because I mentioned that we should head that direction for a really nice bar called Abbey. Like Vapiano, I know where Abbey is, I have the image in my head but I don’t know how to get there. I forgot to tell Isaiah this before we got to Tower Bridge, so he just ended up parking on a side road so we could go to a place that we saw whilst coming off the bridge. When we got there the set-up by the entrance was the same as a club and we were told it’s £10 to get in. I was a bit confused so I asked one of the guys at the door if it was a bar or a club and he said it’s a club. I was ready to walk back out, but because Isaiah didn’t want to go back in the rain he said we should just go in so I paid for both of us.

When we got upstairs it was clearly a club but not just any club, it was one for middle age people. They were very welcoming and very willing to mingle but the music weren’t to our taste and it was far from what we had in mind. Isaiah bought us drinks so we could drink and talk but the music was just too loud for us to have a conversation. To make things more interesting Isaiah suggested that we should go to the bar and order drinks that we didn’t recognise. We ordered a drink that we weren’t sure whether to drink as a shot or a regular drink. Then Isaiah asked the bar man to be creative and make us something of his choice. He did but Isaiah didn’t like it. I thought it was ok. We went back down to where we previously sat and the alcohol started kicking in for me and I started behaving like someone who had had one too many. I tried to convince Isaiah to get up and dance with me but instead he said I sounded drunk and he was going to take me home. He got up to use the loo before we left. By the time he got back I was dancing with a lady who asked me to dance with her. He must have thought this girl is a nutter. As soon as I saw him I said goodbye to my dancing partner and he dropped me home. I got home at 2am.

I think the date was fun and even though it rained a lot I wouldn’t change anything about it.

That’s it for date 15 and an end to this era of just going on dates just so I can blog about them. I want someone special in my life now so make sure you check out my blog next weekend to find out what the new era is all about.

I want to thank all my loyal readers for your continuous interest in my challenge and thank you to everyone who’ve read my blog. I’m very happy with the 4,228 pageviews that I’ve had to date.

Thanks for reading My dating year – date 15.

Date 14 – Lazaro

Welcome to date 14 of 26

Guy Profile

Name: Lazaro

Age: 29
Height: 5.11
Occupation: Online Service team leader

How I met Lazaro

I met Lazaro on Plenty of fish.com (pof). He sent me what I thought was a sweet and sincere message. I had to reply. His response again was sincere, proving his first initial message wasn’t just a bait. We sent each other messages over a few weeks on the site before Lazaro sent me his number and asked me to drop him a line when I have the time. I sent him a text some days after and we texted each other every so often until we decided to meet up. As we work quite close to each other and in central London he suggested we should meet at Covent Garden station at 6.10pm on a Friday evening for coffee.

The date

I got to Covent Garden station quite early because I wanted to buy something from Marks & Spencer (M&S). I didn’t realise M&S was so close to the station so I was done within 5 minutes and had to wait in front of the station for about 25 minutes. At 6pm I received a message from Lazaro saying: ‘I actually made it a bit early and I’m here’. I looked around and I couldn’t see him so I sent him a message asking where and he responded with: ‘In front of you... on the other side of the road’. For some reason I felt like I was in a scary movie and someone was after me so I was a little scared. I nervously looked ahead of me and I found him and walked over to greet him.

The first thing he said to me was: ‘you don’t have three hands, why are you on pof? I have my own reason for being on there but you look perfectly normal.’ Although he was trying to be nice, that comment made me slightly worried. A part of me was dreading what he was going to say his reason was for joining pof because if the reason was really off putting I wouldn’t feel comfortable to continue and I would have to think of a very good reason to end the date. When we found a restaurant to eat in, he told me that he is on the site because he is a shy person. That was surprising to hear because he didn’t come across that way to me prior to the date and on the date, so a part of me did wonder if that was the real reason why he joined the site.

Whilst we were in the restaurant, Lazaro told me some really interesting things about himself and he seemed really smart and full of life. After our meal, we walked to Southbank but we didn’t stay for long because I wanted to end the date for no particular reason. I think he picked up on it too because he politely walked me to the bus stop.

He seemed like a really nice guy and I love the way he sees certain things. As he is also a photographer, who loves taking pictures and attending exhibitions his way of viewing everyday things and people is so different and refreshing. I wish a lot more people could see the world the way he does. He makes what most people would consider as insignificant or uncomfortable appear significant and comfortable.

He also had a slightly vulnerable but cute side to him which alone makes me feel I should treat him with utmost respect and courtesy. He said things like I tried not to send you too many messages because I didn’t want you to feel pestered. Interestingly prior to our date, some days beforehand he had sent me a message asking me how my day was and if I had done anything exciting. I mentioned that I had gone to church and bought some items for my car and I didn’t hear back from him for some days, so I jumped to the conclusion that he didn’t respond because I mentioned that I’m a Christian. I was disappointed that he would discriminate against me for that reason and I spoke to some friends about it and one of them suggested that I should text him. I quickly responded with: ‘no way, if he is going to stop talking to me because of my faith then he is not worth my time’. The curious side of me wanted to know if he did stop talking to me for that reason so I sent him a text, asking how his week had gone and to my surprise he responded and asked if I had any plans for the weekend and that’s when we made plans to meet up.

This experience has taught me that it’s not good to jump into conclusions and act stubborn when dating because such attitudes can cause you to ruin the chance of meeting amazing people. Had I not text Lazaro I may not have met up with him and even if he had tried to get in touch, I probably would have read his messages the wrong way and found unintended meanings in them because I believed at the time that he had a problem with my faith.

To conclude, I’m happy that I met up with Lazaro but I don’t fancy him so there wouldn’t be a second date. I would love to be his friend if he is happy to be friends with me because I love his outlook on the world and his intelligence.

That’s it for date 14.

Thanks for reading My dating year – date 14.